oh holy night

Advent is here, and with it the lovely traditions of the season: decorated Christmas trees, holiday parties filled with friends and fun, and listening to the most amazing rendition of Oh Holy Night that you could possibly imagine.

I was first introduced to this clip five years ago, in my freshman "Music and Christian Perspective" class at Houghton. If you've never heard it, you're in for a treat. Every year I listen to it over and over again, and every year I wind up in tears. Prepare to be moved.

I didn't take the time to figure out how to embed only the audio--the video is just a guy lip-syncing, and not very well. So feel free not to watch. Just sit back, close your eyes, and enjoy.

what is missing?

I've always struggled with the paradox about which Dan preached last night--a sinner who is a saint, a saint who sins. How can God look on me, and not see my sin, but still want me changed?

This ten minute clip from Graham Cooke gives a really stunning answer in the last few minutes. It's worth a listen if you have the time. (And he has a great accent, if that's any motivation for you at all.) :-)



Dearest Lord, complete what is missing in our experience of You!

happiness!

"Happiness," a song from the musical You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown, never fails to elicit a smile from me. It's simple, it's child-like (not childish), and it's a reminder of all the little things that can be delightful if we stop to enjoy them.

Happiness is finding a pencil, pizza with sausage, telling the time
Happiness is learning to whistle, tying your shoes for the very first time
Happiness is playing the drum in your own school band
And happiness is walking hand in hand

Happiness is two kinds of ice cream, knowing a secret, climbing a tree
Happiness is five different crayons, catching a firefly, setting him free
Happiness is being alone every now and then
And happiness is coming home again


Despite all the angst about schoolwork this past week, I've had a marvelous semester. I do love enjoying things, and nooks and crannies of joy have been scattered all over these last few months. It's not just happiness, though--it's seeing God's grace in those moments, knowing that I don't deserve them but that God has given them to me anyway because he loves to delight me. Recognizing that all these things come from the bounty of his hand make them all even more wonderful, because in enjoying them I can be delighting in God, and he in me.

(Oh, what the blood of Jesus has done! That this could actually be!)

So here's my little list of happiness and grace in my life, just over the past couple days. Not as poetic as the musical, but just as enthusiastic and heartfelt.

Happiness is the bus at the library coming just when I need it, so I can catch the next bus home.
Happiness is missing the bus but enjoying the exercise and some music on the walk.

Happiness is getting just enough sleep for everything to seem entertaining the next day.
Happiness is a cup of tea and the last chapter of a good book.

Happiness is stretching out in bed, knowing that it's okay to sleep a little bit longer.
Happiness is a Christmas tree lighting and scenting a dark and quiet room.

Happiness is a dusting of snow: wet enough for snowballs, white enough for winter to be here.
Happiness is friends laughing together, eating together, walking together, just being together.

Happiness is people you love having reasons to celebrate.
Happiness is anticipating the return of the love of your life, be it in a manger or in the clouds.

Happiness is calls from friends at 2AM with the sole purpose of having a chat
Happiness is knowing that the people in cars driving by are wondering why you're dancing down the street.

Happiness is the memory of all these things and the anticipation of more to come.
Happiness is living in light of Love.

Abandon

How far will you let me go?
How abandoned will you let me be?
-Misty Edwards


What is holding you back from being completely devoted to Jesus?

The other day I found myself pondering sanctification--the process by which we become like Him whom we love. I am drastically different than I used to be; hopefully different in a good way, the way He is. I came across as very legalistic when I was first learning about God's ways: do this, do not do this, because God says so. Over time, the relational aspect of being a Christian has grown in my life: obeying out of love for Christ and trust in his goodness, with a somewhat more nuanced understanding of right and wrong.

Yet even now there are days when my living rightly is not particularly righteous. It is easy to slip into a holding pattern, perhaps obeying God's principles out of habit, but not consciously choosing to serve and love him. On those days, when I'm living by a moral law because that's just what I do...what's the point? Like Paul said, I am nothing, no better than a randomly clanging cymbal. Love is what makes this Christianity what it is...

And, oh, what love this is! Worth any price, any lengths of devotion, any suffering, any perseverance. How can I get more? Is there anything in me that is stopping the free flow of the cascading power of God's love in my life? I know there's more, for the depths of God are limitless, far beyond the reach of any dusty human. The law is merely the hollow form: the cross is the heart and the life and the glory for the people of God. Grounded in and centered on Christ, trusting God for everything, white as snow because of the cross, knees on the ground in gratitude and humility--if only we could maintain this posture, what glories and graces could be seen? It's there...just beyond...

How far will he let us go? How abandoned will he let us be?

the baronet's son

Above all, love each other deeply...
1 Peter 4:8

One of the books I've read this break has been George MacDonald's The Baronet's Son. It came highly recommended by a person I have highest regard for, and it was indeed a delightful story. The main character is a mute orphan, and his highly romanticized life is one of utmost service. Unable to defend himself with words, this Gibbie endures hardship silently and loves everyone with complete selflessness. He accept the love of others but does not seek it: rather, his entire focus is on helping and working for the best interests of all those he meets.

The love of God is utterly selfless and continually giving. Christians are also called to this love, love of action rather than speech, love that cheerfully sacrifices self without a second thought, love that serves the best interests of everyone we meet. Such love is a joy, not a burden! I think, though, that my own love for others often has strings attached: if not visible caveats, certainly an inner hope that my love will at least be requited.

As many of my friends (and I) continue to ponder, discuss, and in some cases seek romantic love, it strikes me that (despite all the attention it gets) such love is not the highest love to which we are called. Romantic love is so often inherently selfish: it generally expects back the love that it gives. This is not inherently bad, perhaps--I certainly believe that romantic love can have an important role in one's life. But God has something more for our lives, something better. If romance will distract from growing in the perfect agape of God, then away with it! I want romance in my life to look like utter selflessness and service between a man of God and a woman of God, and until then may it escape me.

praise and thanksgiving

This has been a day of one blessing after another, of God making his power and glory evident in my life from beginning to zed. To let it go by without testifying to that would be denying my God glory that he deserves...so join me in praising him for these things!

Ophelia
Ophelia is my truck, and a lovely truck she is. Last Thursday her brakes went out. I managed to get her to a service station, a Midas where they diagnosed $650 worth of problems: much more than I'm willing to spend. Midas said it was likely that in doing the repair more problems would occur. This morning I was grouchy after calling an independent mechanic and hearing him offer to do twice the work for 2/3 the price, but that would require a tow that would put me over my budget.

So what did God do? Over the weekend, he provided me with all kinds of transportation in the form of my friends and my feet. I didn't miss out on anything I was hoping to do because of lack of transportation, even when they were far from my apartment. He also gave me friends with great advice about what to do. A mechanic friend from NY even offered to fly here and fix it himself (whoa!). Then God answered my prayers that the people at Midas wouldn't break things worse or find too much corrosion to make it drivable, and the repair went smoothly. Finally, my loan money got deposited just in time to help cover this work.


Crestmont
I've been heading up a new Renovo ministry for the kids in government-aided housing nearby, but the ministry hasn't been able to get off the ground and has become a real burden to me. Last week, a leader I was counting on stepped down. But God gave my mentor and I a new vision for the ministry, one that is more feasible and sustainable. This morning I got the go-ahead from the Renovo leadership, and right after that I met with a girl who wants to help out. Her specialty area in her IU studies? Event planning. I'm so excited, and so grateful that God's put people in my life to share the responsibility for ministry, reignite my passion for service, and work together with me as the body of Christ. Synergy? It's a God-thing.


Thanksgiving
So first I was going to stick around for Thanksgiving break, get caught up, and hang with other friends that would be around. Then I decided to go home, since my family is going through a rough time. Then my truck broke, so I couldn't go home, but my friends had already made alternate plans for the holiday and the weekend, and my lack-of-truck meant spending the weekend home alone. It was looking bleak, even when I managed to get myself excited about the opportunity to have a real retreat with God.

Then God stepped in. A friend offered me her car for the weekend. She also encouraged me to ask a couple other people about joining their festivities, and only because of that encouragement I did and was invited along. (And it's a gathering with not only one, but many friends whom I love!) I was offered some hours at work on Saturday, and a friend agreed to meet with me on Friday, and then I was invited to another family's Thanksgiving celebration on Sunday afternoon (which I could accept because my truck was fixed)!!! I had even tossed around the idea of having people over for dinner on Wednesday, which has now been incorporated into a grander scheme in which I get to enjoy friends, food, and fun but at someone else's house, so I don't even have to clean. I still have ample time for schoolwork, and ample time (if there is such a thing) for prayer and Biblical inquiry, and maybe even ample time for reading a novel. My bleak weekend has become a real break, ripe with possibilities for fun and blessing and all manner of good things. And it's all God's doing.


Dan said last Sunday that we should look for little God-glories in the preaching of the word at church. Really, though, those God-glories are everywhere. He's alive and active in this world, in your life and in mine. Do you see it? If so, I'd be so glad to hear about what he's doing. The more the merrier in this--this is worship! Let's glorify God together, both for what he's done and for who he is. He's worthy of all our praise and thanksgiving.

thinking all week long

I'm finally nearing the end of a hectic week, which means I can turn some of my energy away from forcing myself to work and turn my thoughts toward...well...thinking.

So here are a few things that have been on my mind:


1. Why don't people want more of God in their lives??? It's a question that bugs me all the time. I know the answers--some of my friends have been shooting me IMs with all the reasons they can think of. But really, He's so wonderful, and gentle, and loving, and good. In Him is freedom, and liberty, and peace, and joy. With Him one need never be lonely, or frightened, or even worried. I don't remember these things always: sometimes I don't live as though He is sufficient. But He is. How are people not attracted to the one who desires to meet all their needs?

I can only think of two reasons, really. The first is that it's terrifying to put any interests before your own. To have a relationship with God means trusting Him and glorifying Him, even (especially?) to the extent of self-sacrifice. (But it ALWAYS worth it.)

The second reason is more troubling: People aren't attracted to God because His people don't make it clear how amazing He is. I don't even know where to go with that, except maybe back to 1 Peter and Acts and other places in the Bible that show us what our lives ought to look like in relation to non-believers. I'm not upset that the church is filled with sinners. That's the way God built it (more of his awesomeness right there). I'm upset that his people are not seeking and finding him, because they're not seeking him with all their hearts. And therefore the world is not seeing Jesus through his church, because his church is not glorifying him. (I think of Dan's last couple blog posts. If that doesn't break your heart...)


2. And now for something completely different. A lot of people I've talked to recently have mentioned that money is tight. I know it is for me. One of my problems is that I don't have good, practical, practiced skills for managing my money. I desire to be a good steward in all that God has given me. Can anyone direct me to people or websites or books that might help me out, or does anyone know of a Crown or other financial ministry Bible study in town?


3. God's creation is amazing.

The Bible says that truth about God is revealed in creation. It's easy to be out in the middle of the woods and awestruck by scenery both beautiful and sublime, but what does each bit reveal about God's nature and character? Take the example of a flower. The color may speak to God's grandeur or subtlety or creativity. The symmetry reveals His ordered nature and flawless aesthetics. The stamen and pistle are mini-images of two-in-one, creative, regenerative life. The way the roots and stem gather and transport water and nutrients, just perfect for survival in this world, according to the physics of Earth, show his ordered glory and care for details. I could go on and on, but you get the picture. Look around you--look in the mirror, even! What does God's creation reveal to you?

And on the same note, I have to say that it thrills me to know that non-sentient life (and yes, even the rocks) are glorifying God all the time. The rocks cry out God's glory, for those with eyes to see. The very trees are clapping their hands, cheering Him. (Have you ever listened? Have you ever joined in?). When we stop praising God, the chorus in the fields picks up where we left off. I love that.


Enough for now. Quite possibly more later. I'm full of randomness today.

1 thessalonians 5:16-24

Be joyful always;
Pray continually;
Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.

Do not put out the Spirit's fire;
Do not treat prophecies with contempt.

Test everything. Hold on to the good.
Avoid every kind of evil.

May God himself, the God of peace, sanctify you through and through. May your whole spirit, soul, and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ.
The one who calls you is faithful and he will do it.

night prayer

Though I sleep, my heart is awake
Though it's night, on you I'll wait
It's been a long night, and I am weary
It's been a long time, and I am hungry

So I wait in the stillness again
I wait in the quiet again

When I heard your voice, and when you said my name
When I heard your voice, my heart yearned

In the middle of the night
My heart yearned
--Misty Edwards


Last night we had a Renovo prayer walk along Indiana Avenue. Like other prayer events, this one was well-attended, and included a few new faces. Unlike other prayer walks, this one didn't start until nearly midnight. The feel of the street is different that late at night: the homeless people you see really don't have anywhere to go anymore, and it's cold out; the revellers are mostly plastered and free from inhibitions like kindness or common sense. The spirit of good, clean, Friday-night fun seemed to have passed for a spirit of darkness and vice. How I wish we could speak truth into the hurting hearts finding love and oblivion in alcohol and sex! I saw so many things that I know grieve God's heart, and my heart grieves, too. Will that one girl ever really break free from the horrible names her boyfriend was calling her, or will it haunt her even if she comes to know God's truth? Will that man find that the words he meant to mock us with are actually the powerful truth?

One thing I love about Renovo prayer walks is that no matter how much faith you have walking in, you're sure to be spurred on to believe God for bigger and greater things by the end. One prayer of faith breaks in, changing your heart and inspiring faith until you can pray for something even bigger, and it continues like that until we're all casting ourselves on God for revival and guidance and blessing that He alone could provide. He loves prayers like that, especially when those prayers are rooted in His will, the things he wants anyway. We can pray with confidence for the hearts of the lost, because He desires that none should perish. We can pray with confidence for unity within the body of Christ, because He himself prayed for that unity (we can even use his own words!). We can pray with confidence for the leadership of our church, because we know that God desires people after his own heart, willing to discern and speak truth.

Do you ever pray scripture? It's one of my favorite things to do, since the Word carries so much power and authority, and when you're praying the very words of God it's pretty much impossible to be praying for something He doesn't want. I find that almost the entire Bible can be turned into prayer in one way or another, but there are specific passages that lend themselves to prayer for others, especially in the epistles. It's more powerful when it's spoken (study, sometime, the power of the spoken word!), but for an example a written prayer will do:

From Ephesians 3:
Dearest God, You are amazing. you have riches and wealth and love and understanding beyond anything we could fathom. I ask that you would delve into those riches and use them to strengthen the person reading this right now--strengthen them with power through your Spirit in their innermost being, so that Christ may dwell in their hearts through faith. Secure them firmly in your love--establish them their so they won't be shaken, ever--and give them power to join with all of your family and comprehend the width and length and height and depth of the love of Christ. May they know this love that surpasses knowledge! Fill them to the utmost fullness with Your Spirit, and then increase their capacity and fill them some more! God, you can do this and so much more--more than we could ever ask or imagine--and your power is at work in us. GLORY! Glory be to you in the church and in your son Jesus, both now and in every generation, forever and ever. Amen.

(I am convinced that prayers like that have the power to reclaim even the most depraved darkness. I can't wait to see what God does next.)

identity

I've been talking with a lot of my friends about personality types lately, from the little enneagram craze amongst ECCers to a general Meyers-Briggs interest in my Houghton circles to conversations about the "29 dimensions" of personality analysis offered by e-harmony. Like many people, I find the quizzes and definitions and insights amusing and intriguing. These typing-tools offer a uniquely objective analysis of personality, and may give us something new to consider regarding our strengths and weaknesses. Just the other day a book about enneagram types cued me in to an area of my life where I needed to seek forgiveness and healing. It was rather interesting.

I have a couple objections to the very idea of personality typing, though. The first is that I find them only partially accurate. Am I an ISFJ? Yes, generally. A Two? Well, sort of. Tests that are designed to lump people into nine or sixteen or thirty-six general categories are obviously going to be limited in their accuracy, because there are more than nine or sixteen or thirty-six kinds of people. If you want to get very picky, you could say that there are 6.6 billion kinds of people, but I understand that the point of these typing tests is to make generalizations. I know enough to take the results with a grain of salt, especially when I don't agree with what the tests say I am. I know other people, though, who buy into this kind of thing completely. Their lives become centered on their personal understanding of their type. They detect (and sometimes dismiss) their shortcomings and strengths based on their test results. I suppose like any good thing, personality typing ought to be taken in moderation.

A google search for "enneagram" brought up some articles that make me hesitate further, though. A couple websites suggest that enneagrams have their roots in occult practices, and are closely connected with New Age ideas about self-actualization. Let me say that these articles were not scholarly or necessarily from reputable sources, but they sure made me stop in my tracks. Many things with actual power for evil have been accepted into modern American life, shrugged off even by mainstream Christianity (ie: horoscopes, the tolerance/acceptance movement). Is this one of them? There are certainly overtones of new-age rhetoric in all of the enneagram materials that I have read. Even the overtly Christian book, which had some unique and insightful comments, was not free from the idea of self-actualization. I do not want to smear every kind of personality typing, nor dimiss the potential benefits of such tools, but I think we need to use extreme caution when integrating these definitions into our lives.

After all, the real question is "Who am I?"

And the real answer comes at the foot of the cross, and all throughout scripture, and in the voice of Jesus when he whispers your name. I want to be defined by God, not by the world's wisdom. I want Him and the people He's put in my life to be the ones to encourage my strengths and lovingly help me overcome my weaknesses. It might be nice to say "oh, you're an ISFJ? Me, too, let's look at the world from our shared viewpoint."--but I'd rather say "oh, you love to pray the word of God over the people around you and see Him answer those prayers mightily? Me too, let's do it together."

I want Jesus to tell me who I am, because it's who I am in relation to Him that matters. I want my friends to show me who they perceive me to be, because with them I can practice my God-life in safety. I am who God says I am, and I can do all things through Christ. May that truth be the one by which we choose to live.

selflessness

"From the heights we leap and flow
To the valleys down below;
Sweetest urge and sweetest will
To go lower, lower still."
from Hind's Feet on High Places, by Hannah Hurnard


Mutual submission and gender roles in marriage have been a frequent topic of conversation lately, especially as the c-groups at ECC have been studying 1 Peter 3. The other day one of my friends suggested to me that God would have all Christians live lives of utter selflessness, continually pouring out love and acting in the best interests of everyone else. If we really did live this way as a community, we wouldn't need to care for ourselves because our brothers and sisters would be caring for us fully.

I am convinced that such a pouring out of oneself is what God desires from each of us, whether or not the sustaining community is functioning as it should. As Paul wrote to the Galatians, "I have been crucified with Christ, and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body I live through faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me." Christ is our utmost example of a life lived for the sake of others, and he is the one we are to imitate. Our lives should be characterized by extreme selfless giving.

And yet I hesitate.

First, as lovely as it would be for the body of Christ to so minister to one another that none were left empty, it does not function that way. We haven't figured it out, and we're all severely flawed. This makes it dangerous to live lives of extreme selflessness, because it leaves us vulnerable. If we are not caring for ourselves, and the church is not filling in, who is protecting and sustaining us?

The obvious answer is God himself. He picks up the slack, and cares for his children with perfect wisdom and love. Giving up that kind of control is terrifying, and it's incredibly difficult to fight the self-preservation instinct, but the result is always liberty and blessing.

So then here's the question. At what point should reckless abandon be superseded by caution and conservatism? In seasons of my life when I've been particularly outward-focused, I've made some decisions that other people have called foolish and dangerous. Opening the door to a bloody neighbor at 3AM after listening to hours of him fighting with his girlfriend? Probably not wise, but it was a good ministry opportunity. At least in that case I was only putting myself at risk. What about allowing a potentially dangerous individual to stay overnight at my place? That puts my roommate at risk, so is that crossing the line into actual, rather than just perceived foolishness?

Again, at what point should reckless abandon be superseded by caution and conservatism? Where is the balance between wisdom and foolishness, prudence and faithfulness?

a beginning

The time has come, the walrus said, to talk of many things: of shoes, and ships, and sealing wax, of cabbages, and switching to a google-based blog to facilitate integration with the rest of my digital life.

For the sake of posterity, or in case anyone has the urge to read potentially entertaining descriptions of my life in Ireland last winter, let it be known that my old blog can be found here.

I do not pretend that this blog will be superior in wit, focus, or insight than my last online journal, but the librarian in me has already decided to integrate potentially-alliterative metadata this time--expect posts about theological thoughts, amusing anecdotes, and Godstops (the times when I see God in the world around me).

As always, I invite discussion and feedback. Cheers to you, my readers, for making my digital niche slightly more than just a narcissistic, futile writing exercise.