slow learning

Tonight at CGroup we talked a little bit about the way things grow. The farmer sows and reaps, but in between exercises no real control over the growth.

I think there are truths in my life which have been planted but are taking their own sweet time in really growing. Perhaps I need to cultivate them more... And perhaps there's an element of waiting on the fullness of time for each lesson.

But these past few weeks have been difficult ones for me: much is changing, and I'm having to hold more loosely than I'd like to things and people that I love. In the past, I defended myself by retreating into old vices and hardening my heart. This time, so far, by the grace of God alone, I'm clinging to Jesus and finding that He's enough.

It's kind of cool to think that I might finally be learning how to deal with hard times. Asking for prayer. Calling my dad. Turning up the bass in my car. Shouting bits of Psalms when I need strength. Crying a little when I can. Remembering that Jesus is with me, and imagining that He's literally here in the flesh beside me. Counting my blessings, admiring God. Playing the piano. Enjoying the blissful blankness of sleep but still getting up each morning. Taking each moment as it comes, appreciating it for what it is, without forgetting to hope in a future without any tears.

Even when life is hard, life can be good.

I'm learning slowly. But I'm learning.