All things work together

Back when my life was really really crummy, when I walked around waiting for the next giant shoe to drop and glowering at God for engineering the deconstruction of my world (in other words, in middle school), my biggest question was Why?

Back when I wrestled with Nietzsche in the mornings, watched protesters bash my country in the evenings, slept through as much of life as possible but was always awoken by the friend who's existential crisis was worse than mine, my biggest question was Why?

When my loved ones die, when I hear about world news, when I observe the hurting lives of people that are precious to me, it's the same thing. Why?

Why is this happening?
Why are You letting this happen?
Why, if you are good and loving and worthy of my worship, is the world like this?

I really mean: Don't You care? How am I supposed to believe that You are who You say You are when the world isn't the way You say it should be? How can I trust a "good" God if my life when I'm with Him doesn't strike me as very "good"? Why would I follow a God like that?


We've all been there. When we ask people about it, the answer is usually something about free will, about how God lets the world get crappy because he gives us each the ability to make our own choices. It doesn't comfort me very much.

When I ask God about it, his answer is usually something like "I love you." Depending on my level of patience, that may or may not feel helpful. (As I've posted before, forcing myself to be thankful helps my attitude in that situation.)

My dear Renee used to tell me over and over how we just have to wait, that God makes good on his promise to work all things together for the good of those who love him and are called according to his purpose. (Romans 8:28) In the middle of a crisis, it's easy to sneer at that. But a little life experience has taught me that God's good to keep that promise. I can see the way he's done it simply by reading my Bible... stories of Him working good from people's crap is all over Israel's history, and it's pretty much the key theme of Jesus' death and resurrection.

But honestly, sometimes it helps just as much or more to look at my own life and think about how he's turned my own circumstances into good. Salvation, yes. Also the way I've been able to minister to people in rough circumstances because I've literally gone through those same rough circumstances. Even the way I've become one of those awkwardly blunt people who're not afraid to talk about pretty much anything. The way I've learned to deal with things head-on, at least much of the time. I am the person I am because of the crap I've gone through. And also because God is the one who got me through all of it, and who has used me since then to minister to people.

I met a friend today who is in the middle of asking all of those Whys. And today I'm thankful that I've lived long enough and been given faith enough to see and believe in the Light at the end of that tunnel.