thankful

This morning I am overwhelmed by the ugly reality of sin in my life. Sometimes when I stumble and fall my mind races through the gospel: "You've fallen, but if you repent God will forgive you and restore you and nothing will stand between you and him. That is bliss. Worship." I end up not really dealing with the issues, because I know the end of the story.

My issue right now is with what I might call 'addictive' sin: after so much victory over it, I gave an inch and it took over again. I blame the behavior as if it was in control--actually, I'm the one that's chosen to give in to the impulses. I have sinned. And it is ugly, and I am wretched. And I can't stop--no matter how hard I try.

The problem with racing through the gospel so much, so often, every time this sin seems like it is becoming a habit, is that I start asking for God's true opinion of me and not actually believing it. I know he says that I am His, that I am forgiven, that I am a saint, that He loves me. But in my inner heart (fully revealed to Him, of course), I her "That's just fine, but you're going to fall again. You haven't truly repented because it's going to happen again. Maybe even today. Gotcha. So He can't really love you, because you haven't really repented."

THAT IS A LIE!

I have repented and I am free. God told me this morning, once again, that if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has gone, the new has come! I am in Christ. I haven't remained in Him, which is why I've fallen--but I am in Him now, and as long as I stay in Him NOW (this moment), I am a new creation. The old has gone. The new has come. There is no condemnation for those who are in Christ. NO condemnation! NO CONDEMNATION!

Take that, Enemy.

All I owe was paid by Jesus. And that includes all my sin from before, and any atrocities I have yet to commit. It is somber, but it is glorious. And yes, it inspires worship. I have been contemplating how to say thank you... But God desires mercy, not sacrifice. The best worship I can give is just to remain in Christ. God has work for me to do, even this morning, and it's work I can't do in my own strength. So here we go. This morning, this moment, I'm just going to worship with a thankful heart and moment-by-moment faithfulness.

Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean;

wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.

Let me hear joy and gladness;

let the bones you have crushed rejoice.

Hide your face from my sins

and blot out all my iniquity.

Create in me a pure heart, O God,

and renew a steadfast spirit within me.

Do not cast me from your presence

or take your Holy Spirit from me.

Restore to me the joy of your salvation

and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.

Then I will teach transgressors your ways,

and sinners will turn back to you.

Save me from bloodguilt, O God,

the God who saves me,

and my tongue will sing of your righteousness.

O Lord, open my lips,

and my mouth will declare your praise.

You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it;

you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings.

The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit;

a broken and contrite heart,

O God, you will not despise.